So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
