hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
