i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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