he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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