My sheets look like a crime scene.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
