Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
