We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
