We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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