Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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