I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
