Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
