so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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