handjob tips. give me some.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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