I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
