I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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