i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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