so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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