The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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