I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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