As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize