I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
