i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
