she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
