I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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