I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
