Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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