She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
