How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
