I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
