i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.