i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.