Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.