I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..