I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.