I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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