my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize