I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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