i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
