So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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