fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize