I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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