I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
