I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
