it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
