If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
