AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
