is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
