don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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