do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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