babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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