i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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