I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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