My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
