so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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