OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
