can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
