I hate your face
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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