i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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