Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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