I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
