new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
