Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
