Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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