I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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