I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
