Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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