he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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