VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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