There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
