i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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