i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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