last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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