and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
