Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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