You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
