how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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