I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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