he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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