My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
