How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize