I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
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No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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