I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
