if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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