Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
