____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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