every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Damn victory sex feels great
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
