Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
