Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
