You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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