Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
