She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
