dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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