none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bring me that man meat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
