Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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