Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
