you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
